Looking back

Tonight feels like the right time to look back. 

It all started on 16th January 2011.  I went for the breast exam package at AB Hospital after about a month of noticing the lump.  It was a sunny wednesday.  Right in the middle of the day.  The radiologist who did my sonomammography asked whether I felt the lump was cancer.

I said I don't know.  In fact, I knew the lump was trouble.  I knew right from the moment I felt it.  Nothing that hard and defined and totally painless could mean any good.

It's four months now. Four months. Three chemos.  Two surgeries. One fact: I have cancer.

I no longer cry over that one fact like I used to.  I still cry.  But not like I cried in late January.

Sometimes I wonder.  Do I have cancer cells somewhere in my body right now?  I think maybe, or yes.  Don't ask me why.  That's just what I think.

Four months, Dear God!!!  What a roller coaster ride of a life I am living!