STOP

It is Thursday.  One more day before the oh-too-short weekend. 

Yet my body is screaming at me to STOP. 

I admit that since finishing radiotherapy, I have deliberately propelled myself into a routine that is crammed with activity (mental or physical or both) that leaves me contentedly exhausted each night.

It is as if I wanted to prove to myself that I can do it all...and do more...and do it better.

I know I must STOP.  Or at least slow down.

Whether life cruises at 100 miles an hour or crawls at a snail's pace, at the end of the day, what matters is this silly little feeling called happiness.  Happiness at just being alive.

Note to self:      Yes to moderation.  No to Overkill.

Don't you know?

I know you are there. 

I know you lie just behind that veil. 

Sometimes your perfume would waft on a cool breeze and pull my lips into a lazy smile.

Sometimes your scent would overwhelm me and wash my cheeks with tears.

You are young and strong, good and fierce. 

I am old and wise, patient and intense.

You are me but more advanced, more powerful.

I am you but more subdued, more present.

Where, oh where, have you been all this time?

Don't you know that I love you already?

Contrasts

These days, I am into pomegranates. 

This fruit of paradise is as much a delight for the tastebuds as it is for the eyes.  I love the way the small red fleshy seeds snuggle against each other in perfect symmetry.  What a beautiful creation of Allah Most High. Subhaan Allah.

These days, I am also into bluntness!   Under normal circumstances I am already not one to mince my words, but in these post-treatment days, armed with a false bravado and a high which I simply cannot explain, the tongue moves like a sword!!!

I get impatient, even annoyed when wavelengths don't line up. 

So, back to music it is. 

This is my current favourite.  The high pitch of Rahat's voice contrasts beautifully with the sad lyrics. Somewhat like pomegranates and bluntness!!!

36

It is that time of year again, when the air is alive with fragrance, when the sun wakes up earlier than usual, when the heat likes to squeeze you close and hard.  It's summer time...almost.

Last summer was a turning point in my life.  Isn't it funny how a turning point is recognised only after turning past the point?  Anyhow, last summer marked the beginning of the end of my obsession.

Come to think of it, I have lived pretty much my entire life hopping from one obsession to another (I am gifted when it comes to developing fixations).

I am so glad it's all over....all of that was driving me nuts!  All those moments spent rearranging life the way I wanted it were silently bleeding me. 

There is a certain freedom with letting life be.  A touch of adventure too.

Let's see what this summer brings or where it takes me.

 I will be 36 IA this December.  36?  Really?

Times and wishes

We live in dangerous times....times when words are uttered only to manipulate, when hands are outstretched only to yank, when shiny new faces mask dark intentions, when truths are carefully hidden in concrete buildings while lies are broadcast naked in tattered rooms.

I am so tired suddenly.  Of this gimmick of a game, played unfairly, for cheaters to win.  I am so tired of these times.

I wish for a time and place, and a face and hands that hold truth in steadfastness.  Where silence is allowed to tell its story. 

I wish for you my love.

Pebbles......are what you get when you lose your marbles!!

So suddenly I am craving activity, busy-ness, discovery.  It is as if I am afflicted with a gluttony for living life LARGE. 

The wild Sagittarian in me is kicking to be let loose, to taste adventure, to devour time. I have these strange urges to try new things, to reach up and touch the sky.

Obviously I am losing my marbles! 

You see, for the first time in my life, I am seeing someone die of cancer.  If it is true that it saddens me, it is also true that it is not upsetting me.  How can I be upset when I see a rightful possession being returned to its Master? 

Isn't the body's cataclysmic disintegration meant to release a beautiful creation of this world: the human soul?

Yes, I am losing my marbles!

My body is greedilly clinging to creation while silently my soul is reaching out ... for the Creator.

(NB:  I had to re-edit this post!  Instead of writing "losing my marbles", I wrote "losing my pebbles"!!!  Proof enough that I AM losing my marbles!!!)

Irritated much?

My irritability is mightily irritating me!!!!

But hang on! There is a cure for that!

M.U.S.I.C

Life & Death

Tonight feels like the right time to revive this space. 

I am here tonight because I am edgy.  There is an excess of tension that is clinging to me like a cloying perfume.

I have so much to say, yet I am loathe to put it up here.

Life is happening....for some as they want it, for others as they never could have imagined it. 

Death is happening too...in Khala Z's receding flesh and her bright eyes.

Oh how transient we are!  How flimsy we are!  How painfully brittle are the houses of our souls!