Saturday, 29 October 2011

Mistakes

I made 3 mistakes today.  In the midst of an otherwise perfect day.

One was that I mistakenly thought the piece of jewelly I was gifted was a necklace, when it fact it was one of the most beautiful tasbih (prayer beads) I have seen.  Mind you, it fully qualifies for jewellery...just not to be worn!  Thank you D&G :)

However, it was a mistake because it showed how far away I had drifted....lulled by the glitter of this life.  Lately, my thoughts are often occupied with the mundane, the materialistic, the superficial, the illusionary.  The filter that I thought would always be separating me from the rest of the world has, through neglect and temptations, been lifted, leaving me to mingle with the world.  That is dangerous.

The second mistake was earlier in the day when I talked more than I should.  My tongue said things that baffled my soul.  I regretted it of course.  But it was too late. The harm to me was already done.  I realise that sometimes the need to fill silences get me yapping awkwardly, saying all sorts of uncharacteristic things.  But it is not just that.  It is a need to fit in, to be worldly, to be normal.  I give out too much information, most of it quite unnecessary.  In so doing, I defiantly test boundaries, I play with fire, I tempt the devil.

The third mistake was later in the day when I allowed an old version of me to surface.  The impatience, the fault-finding, the curtness.  It was a mistake because it could have been avoided today.  All I had to do was find my way home and bow my head. 

I must be careful.  With my thoughts and my tongue, my eyes and my ears, my heart and my soul. 

I have already lost one life.  I cannot afford to lose the next one.

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