Saturday, 7 May 2011

Alhamdulillah - Part III

Tan's sister is getting married this weekend.  Defining moment for the bride, groom and their families, but also for me!

I will remember this wedding as the one I attended while on cancer treatment.

A long time ago, I read on someone's blog a beautiful post on how you sometimes take your heartache/sorrow travelling just to see how the heartache/sorrow would "behave" next to old monuments, landmarks and other touristy sights and activities.

If I remember correctly, the post concluded with the realisation that wherever you go, whatever you do, you've somehow carried your heartache/sorrow with you all the way, a bit like that old baby blanket that you find yourself holding on to, even though you may be an adult with your own kids and cats.

I think somewhere deep down I was curious to know how I would react to going to a wedding with cancer. 

I can tell you it went just fine. Sure enough, my cancer kept me company but in a very docile way.  It let me enjoy the atmosphere, the people, the food, the conversations, the happiness all around. 

When I crashed for a nap in the afternoon, it was with a sense of satisfaction that I closed my eyes. 

I may have an artificial bun made out of fabric and no hair, I may wear heels and makeup that adequately mask the pain of a bad headache or fatigue, I may smile broadly to show you that your caring words and concern have touched my heart, but through it all, I am deeply content that I made it. 

I made it to the wedding.  To living a life as normal as humanly possible.  And for that, I say Alhamdulillah.

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