Sunday, 1 May 2011

Holding my breath

This 3rd chemo round is the worst.  I am not joking here.  The nausea has trespassed the confines of my mouth and throat to reach my stomach.  So I stand over my washbasin to retch and heave and spit until I feel reasonably ok to move away.  Since Friday, putting anything in my mouth feels like taking a risk.  Thank God for yoghurt.

It is labour day in this country and today marks 3 years exactly since I returned from the United States. Three years of episode after strange episode in my life.  There was the confusion, followed by the best friendship I was to know, then came the massive heartbreak, more of the confusion, the desperation and then illness in its varied forms.

The good parts must have been there but they seem so distant for some reason.  Oh yes, the trip to Malaysia and the cruise to the Indian Ocean islands with the parents and of course the invitation to Islam.

Three years later, I am in a strange place.  A place I never imagined I'd be.  Somewhere where I feel that my head is under the water but I am neither sinking nor floating.  I am just holding my breath. 


  1. May Allah give you the strenght to fight the negatives out of your life.

  2. Your blog humbles me. I hope you make it through the chemo with flying colors. It'll be a privilege to walk with you :)

  3. Your words sound so serene, despite the challenging times you are going through. Your blog is a very peaceful place. Sending lots of prayers and love your way! God Bless!

  4. Good things that happen in our lives is simply because it is the right timing. When it is over we learn to be grateful that it simply happened, because somehow, somewhere we have been graced by God to live something so special.

    Take care

  5. Thank you all for your kind comments :)