24 days

24 days left before 2nd July.

I MUST hang in there.  Because at the end of this phase I WILL CELEBRATE Insha Allah.

I don't know how just yet.  I also don't know why I should be celebrating when I will still have other phases of treatment left.  But the urge to celebrate the end of chemo is VERY strong.  The end of chemo feels like an achievement for which some form of reward is warranted. Maybe someone could give me a medal in July?  For surviving self-imposed torture or something. 

Because chemo is tough people.  It is tough in between the sessions when you feel normal for hours on end only to be blasted with a wave of fatigue or a sudden ache or an anxiety attack at the most unexpected moments.  It is tougher a few days before when you try to brace yourself for the onslaught while deep down you cower like a wounded animal.  It is toughest on the day itself and the few days that follow when your body is taken over by toxic chemicals and all you want to do is leave that body, but really there is nothing you can do about it except wait it out.

Chemo is tough, tougher and toughest all in and by itself. I can't wait for it to be over...