Sunday, 17 April 2011

You are not fooling me!

I've never been happier to get my periods than this weekend!  And no, there was no chance of me being pregnant and neither is that likely in the forseeable future.

It's just that chemotherapy is supposed not only to take my hair away but also my periods!  And while it seemed like a good thing when the onco said so, I am so desperately clutching at remnants of my feminity that even the periods are welcome!

Today, I was running the word chemotherapy in my mind and I realised that it's such a misnomer.  The chemicals used in chemotherapy are anything but therapeutic.  For God's sake, they are little murderers thirsting after new, rapidly developing cells!  How can that be therapeutic?

See, the word therapy conjures up nice things in my mind, sensations of well-being that are obtainable from a nice aromatic tea, or a leisurely massage, or walking by the sea, or holding his hand in mine...

And that's far, very far from what I am getting these days!

So yes, chemotherapy is the word I'll use, but with just that touch of sarcasm that says: you are not fooling me!

4 comments:

  1. Hey Shaf!!

    Ive been reading what you wrote very carefully. You know, the hair, the periods....all these are gona get back once the chemo demon goes away. But femininity....that's a state of mind that we are born with. Don't worry of the remnants, these are just physical attributes, but we are women! It's part of our identity and nothing is gona take that away from us. Coz its the way we are made up, the way we feel, the inner strength we have, our capacity to feel, to love, to forgive, to give birth and destroy both.
    We are there with you in your journey and we won't let you fall. Big hug

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  2. Sorry, forgot to write my name in my comment on top.

    Nivedita

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  3. I never knew there were so many side effects of chemo ... *somberly*. I think you're very courageous in your way of looking at this whole thing, MA.

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